I came across this joke while perusing the intertubes this morning. Warning: It’s NSFC (Not Suitable For Christians)
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the desk, looks at the clerk and says “Hey can you put me up for the night?”
I laughed so hard that I snorted – twice.
First and foremost, drug screening is a scam. It’s a scam designed to create paranoia that drug abuse is rampant everywhere. Be it in the home, or in the workplace, there are drug abusers, drug abusers everywhere! According to the companies that sell drug testing kits and perform the tests, drug abusers are worse than all of the socialists and muslims combined. Why is that? Well, when you consider that each kit roughly cost $30, not including all of the administration and lab work costs, why wouldn’t you try to profit from the very paranoia that you’ve created? Want to know why all 50 states do not require drug screens for government assistance applicants? Because it’s not cost effective.
In Florida, one such state that did require drug screening for assistance applicants before the law was struck down. It was reported that in a four month period in 2011, $118.000 was spent on drug testing kits alone. out of a little over 4000 applicants, 188 were caught, roughly 2.6%. This is about half of what the state would have spent if they had merely allowed those 2.6% to get benefits. The drug kits actually cost the state $45,000, not counting administrative cost and lab fees. I’m sure that money could have been spent more effectively on, I don’t know, maybe job training or something along those lines?
Speaking of job training, drug screening in the work place is even more expensive: When I was an administrator, it was my job to screen my current and prospective drivers. The cost of a 5 panel screen was roughly $100.00 at my then employer’s expense. How many people failed in the 7 years I worked there? 1 person failed the test. 1 out of over 100’s of test issued during that time. Still think testing makes sense? If you do, it’s either because you fail to see reasoning, or you work for a drug testing company.
Going back to my first point, drug testing is just one giant unprofitable boondoggle. Unprofitable that is, to employers, as well as state and federal governments. However, if you’re one such lucky corporation that sells the kits and charge for lab work, then drug testing is awesome. You’re making money faster than a war time Dick Cheney. You are to the war on drugs what Halliburton is to the war on terrorism. Congratulations, enjoy you’re money. Or go fuck yourself. I really don’t care.
Want to save money? How about drug screening corporate leaders and politicians. I’m pretty sure if George W. Bush had been tested we would have saved billions of dollars and countless lives in doing so. The man was having visions of god while he was in the oval office. He was either mentally ill, or on some really powerful hallucinogens. Think about it, they’re the ones who can afford the good drugs that are guaranteed to fuck your world up. They’re the ones who can do it consistently. They are problem, not the 2.6% of the poor people who would rather get high than eat. When given a choice, over 90% percent of the population choose the necessities of life over drugs. The rich have to make no such choice. Hmmmm, that explains a lot, at least to me it does. It’s not the drugs that are ruining our world, it’s money. Maybe we should test for money addiction instead of Marijuana.
I’m just saying.
Down here, in the sleepy river town of East Jesus Kentucky where I live, the churches are more prevalent than Walgreens. A sign in front of one of the many houses of the holy along my 25 mile drive to work poses this question:
“What if god doesn’t believe in atheists?”
This question was borrowed from Ray Comfort’s book “God Doesn’t Believe in Atheists: Proof That The Atheist Doesn’t Exist.” Apparently, the pastor of East Jesus Baptist Church thought it would be a hoot to pose this question to passers-by, as well as his congregation. The answer to the question is this:
We simply do not give a fuck.
- Debating with Believers (ironatheistblog.wordpress.com)
I haven’t watched Saturday Night Live in at least two decades. However, when I heard of this Quentin Tarantino parody from this last weekend I had to check it out. I’m really glad I did: This is brilliant!
Bonus: It appears that some wing nuts may be a tad upset.
- ‘Djesus Uncrossed’ On ‘SNL’ Spoofs Tarantino In Christ Revenge Fantasy (elderyvesjohnson.wordpress.com)
- Conservative Christians Overreact to Saturday Night Live’s ‘Djesus Uncrossed’ Sketch (patheos.com)
- WND Slams SNL’s Djesus Uncrossed (joemygod.blogspot.com)
A huge tip of the tinfoil hat to The Onion for putting this one out on the intertubes. Wow. Just. Wow.
By the way, somebody at the Onion owes me a new keyboard; I just drowned mine with coffee.
How could any self respecting conservative argue with Ayn Rand or Jesus? Maybe you should rethink your theocratic, capitalistic outlook on life. A tip of the tin foil hat to Being Liberal for sharing.
Anyone who pays any kind of attention what so ever to football (or religion) is aware of Tebow mania. The legend of Tebow began at Florida University, where he had a stellar college career that included a national championship. As a second year pro, he took over as quarterback of the Denver Broncos early in the year, and lead them to 6 straight wins, a playoff birth, and an amazing overtime victory over the Steelers in the first round. He has become a household name in a relatively short period of time.
With Tebow mania comes much praise as well as criticism of the man. People either love him or hate him. Just look at any comment thread that follows one of the gazillion articles about him. The most popular and most ridiculous debate about the man is his faith. It’s no secret that the man is a devout christian. However, he doesn’t necessarily flaunt it anymore than any other religious athlete; in fact, other than giving thanks to the invisible sky wizard after making a play (the phenomena of Tebowing), his interviews tend to focus on football. Unlike former QB Jon Kitna, who spewed his faith forth from underneath his crucifix baseball hats at every opportunity, Tebow really does not push his faith into our faces.
In reality, it’s the overzealous christians in our society who make his faith an issue, not Tebow. To listen to them, one would think that Jesus is his personal Quarterback coach. They blather on about how christ made him the player he is today, rather than acknowledge that his success came from Tebow himself. The bottom line is that Tebow is a dynamic leader, a quick study of the game, and a tireless worker at his craft. He was born to be a football player. The fact that he is a devout christian is irrelevant to his success; It was he who made himself what he is today.
The Tebow phenomena is indicative of one of the core problems that I have with religion. There is a major tendency for most christians, muslims, etc, to attribute the randomness of living to god. There is a disturbing tendency for the deeply religious to throw one’s hands in the air while screeching “GOD, MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS” and letting an imaginary being take control of their lives, rather than taking responsibility for their own actions, and doing what can be done to have a good life. While Tebow may give props to god for some help, I’m betting he understands that he’s the one responsible for his success.
Love Tim Tebow, or hate Tim Tebow; it doesn’t really matter to me. My only wish is that we leave his faith out of it when debates about him crop up. I would rather talk about whether or not he can sustain his success on the field(which I think he can). His religion is his business, not ours.
- Is Tim Tebow’s Success the Result of Divine Intervention? A Christian’s Take (bleacherreport.com)
- Tebowing-Should Sunday AM Meet Sunday PM? (denver.cbslocal.com)
- The Non Sports Fan’s Guide to Tim Tebow [Explainer] (gawker.com)
- Who Is Tim Tebow? (etchedinblue.wordpress.com)
- Tim Tebow’s public expressions of Christian beliefs ignite conversation about faith and its role in sports (pennlive.com)
- Denver Broncos QB Tebow Is Good for NFL, Religion-Based Tebowmania Is Not (bleacherreport.com)
- Tim Tebow On Receiving End Of ‘Divine Intervention?’ (wycd.radio.com)