Posts Tagged ‘Blackberry’

The Most F*cked Up Headline You’ll See All Day

January 27, 2012 Leave a comment

“Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales”

It gets better: Make sure you read the article, and check out all the dwarf related links. This is guaranteed to make whatever beverage you are currently enjoying fly out of your mouth and all over your keyboard!

A tip of the tinfoil hat to Ben Patrick Johnson for sharing this.

Posted from my piece of crap Blackberry

Conservapalooza: The June 13, 2011 Edition.

June 14, 2011 6 comments
GOP Presidential Debate June 13, 2011 in New H...

Image by DonkeyHotey via Flickr

Did anyone watch the Republican Presidential debate last night? I meant to, but I had the pressing matter of watching 2 reruns of Bones, having a snack, and going to bed to attend to.

However, my good friend Gerry Mander was there. Gerry writes the Conservative Mythology column for the conservative magazine The Fascist. Here’s the highlights according to Gerry:

Obama sucks.

Universal Health Care sucks.

Medicaid/Medicare sucks.

Social Security sucks.

Education sucks.

Unions suck.

The poor sucks.

The middle class sucks

Immigrants suck.

Global warming is a socialist concept.

Muslims suck.

Abortion sucks.

Civil Rights suck.

Same sex marriage is immoral.

Thin crust pizza rocks.

Leno is better than Conan.

Creationism is cool.

Revisionist History is the way to go.

Tax cuts for the rich are awesome.

Raping the environment is good.

Patriarchy and Misogyny is neat.

Theocracy is really cool.

The constitution is a guideline, not a rule.

The Supreme Court should be filled with the best judges money can buy.

Capitol Hill should sell corporate sponsorship to the Koch Brothers. You know, like the sports stadiums do.

Selling Utah to Wal-Mart is a viable option for deficit reduction.

Tim Pawlenty would combat terrorism by talking al-Qaida to death.

Torture is good, as long as it’s performed on Muslims.

The Statue of Liberty should be painted red, white, and blue, to show those nasty foreigners who’s in charge.

Not having a plan, or even a clue as to how to run the country is a conservative tradition.

Quote of the night from Rick Santorum: ” I think congressman Weiner has a nice cock.” “I mean, damn! Have you seen it?”

Jeez, I’m sorry I missed it. Thanks for sending me the highlights Gerry!

I plan on tuning in for the next debate if I don’t have something more important planned, such as cutting my toe nails, or contemplating my belly button.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Pick Your Topic Tuesday

May 24, 2011 6 comments
New York Times

Image via Wikipedia

As Moe at Whatever Works would say, “I’m feeling unbloggy.” It could be bloggers block, or it could be the fact that I have World Civilizations homework coming out the wazoo this week.

Whatever the problem is, it gave me an idea that’s either going to be a lot of fun, or totally come back to bite me in the ass.

Here’s my idea: Pick Your Topic Tuesday. Every Tuesday morning, I will open up the floor to suggestions for a topic that you would like me to talk about. Submit your suggestion in the comments section after my Tuesday morning prompt post. I pick one of the topics submitted, and deliver a minimum 200 word post no later than Friday, with all the Tin Foil trimmings.

Here’s the criteria: no topic is taboo, however there are no guarantees how I treat the topic. I will research and form my own opinion, and write about it in my own special way 😉 Please be as specific as you can with the topic, if you submit something broad like “religion” for example, I just may go down a rabbit hole that you would not expect.

I will announce the winning topic no later than Wednesday night. The person who suggests the winning topic for the week will get full credit in the post featuring the topic . If you’re a blogger, I will make sure I include your blog site info. Plus the winner will receive total consciousness, so there is that.

Like I said earlier, this could be fun, or it could bite me in the ass. It could be wildly successful, or it could end in complete reader apathy.

So let’s start today, shall we? Suggest a topic, and let’s see where it takes us 🙂

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Tim Pawlenty Declares He’s Running For President: Thousands Yawn, Take Nap.

May 23, 2011 9 comments

Late Sunday night, Minnesota Republican Tim Pawlenty declared his intention to run for President. One of the new generation of Reaganites, Pawlenty kicked off his campaign by attac- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

April Showers Bring Anti-Abortion Laws!

May 12, 2011 17 comments
Wire (top) and wooden (bottom) clothes hangers

Image via Wikipedia

April has been a busy month for some states who want to legislate from a woman’s uterus: No less than 33 laws restricting abortions have been passed by 9 states.

Kansas leads the pack, with several laws passed last month, and even more proposals under consideration. This is not surprising to me; Kansas seems to have the highest ratio of pro-life christian zealot nut jobs per square mile in the country. If you don’t believe me, ask abortion Dr. George Tiller. Oh yeah, you can’t; he was murdered by one of those wing nuts a few years ago.

At the rate our states are going, it won’t be long before coat hanger alleys are open for business again in every state of the union.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Was The Killing of Bin Laden in Cold Blood? Would it Matter?

May 5, 2011 6 comments
Osama Bin Ladens Hideout

Pakistani security investigators are claiming that the killing of Osama Bin Laden, his aides, and his son was “cold blooded.” These officials who investigated after the raid allege that no one within the compound fired a shot because they were unarmed.

On this, I claim bullshit. At the least, Pakistani intelligence looks incompetent for allowing Bin Laden to hide in Pakistan right under their noses, in a Colonel Klink state of obliviousness . At worst, they were complicit with Bin Laden and protected him. Either way, they are working overtime to cover their collective asses.

However, the question is raised: what if the killing during the raid was in cold blood? What if no fight was given? Does this change anything?

Bin-Laden is responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocents; his actions have changed the course of several countries, most noticeably ours.

Let’s not bullshit ourselves. A Geneva convention mandated trial was never and option. For almost 13 years, Osama was a dead man walking. No less than 3 Presidents vowed publicly to make that happen.

I am morally opposed to capital punishment. I feel that killing for any reason undermines our basic humanity. However, I find myself in a moral grey area in this instance. Sometimes, a person comes along who is so evil, that our only recourse is to put that person down like a rabid animal. Bin-Laden would be one of those people.

Yet, I still struggle with the fact that there may be the slightest chance Bin-Laden and his aides may have been killed without ever putting up a fight. How does one deal with the murder of a murderer?

I’ll tell you how: Dismiss the claims of Pakistani intelligence as a game of political CYA. Keep thinking that Bin Laden and company went down with guns a blazing. Remember where you were, and your reaction to the horrors of 9-11. Think about all those families who were left without fathers and mothers,brothers and sisters, sons and daughters.

That’s what I plan on doing. Otherwise I think that my very soul would be torn apart via a moral game of tug-o-war within me, if it was a stone cold assassination.

Osama is dead and sleeping with the fishes. Justice is ours. I think I am happy to leave it at that, and not look any deeper.

I think.–&.intl=us&.lang=en

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

We Lost a Friend Today

May 4, 2011 5 comments

The major events of the week were put on hold for me today in crippling fashion. When I arrived to work this morning, I was told that a co-worker and good friend to me and my partner had died in the middle of the night. I sobbed like a baby at my desk.

I won’t go into how he died, or even name our friend. That’s information that only his family is entitled to give.

When I first started my new job almost 5 years ago, it was he who took the time to babysit me, and show me the ropes. At first, I was lost without him until I learned my way around.

In the years since, his family and mine became good friends, we would see each other socially from time to time, as well as help each other out when help was needed.

He made me laugh, and he had my back, and now he’s gone. My wife and I are very saddened today, but we feel even worse for the wonderful family he left behind. Rest assured, when they need us, we’ll have their back. I would be very grateful if you kept them in your thoughts and prayers tonight.

RIP my friend, we miss you already. Wherever you are, I hope there’s cold beer and NASCAR.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.