Home > In the News, Religion > Caffeinated Christians Go Marching On

Caffeinated Christians Go Marching On

I love Mike Luckovich!

I love Mike Luckovich!



It looks like Starbucks is once again attacking the very backbone of our country. The maker of over priced, burnt coffee wasn’t satisfied in pissing off the NRA by not allowing guns in their establishments: This time they went too far. They have made their coffee cups red for the holidays – Red I tell you! No snow flakes? No baby jesus? Outrageous! Of course, the christians are furious: They feel as if their existence is once again under attack, in this instance, by the makers of the quadra mocha latte frothochino, or whatever the hell it is that they serve.

Christians are so miffed that they are taking several courses of action: They are boycotting, threatening to shoot Starbucks employees (very christian), or ordering their hot beverages under the name “Merry Christmas”.

All I can say is this: If you need your local caffeine dealer to affirm your christianity, you’re probably further away from Jesus than what you thought you were.

Think about that when you pass that homeless guy, as you enter into the shop to get your triple shot of whatever the hell it is that you pay $7.00 for.

Happy Holidays!

  1. November 10, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    I promise, not all Christians are outraged. I’m Christian and I couldn’t care less. Starbucks has never been a Christian company. Really, it’s only Joshua Feuerstein who is all panicked, and that’s only because he wants the publicity. Very very few Christians have jumped on his bandwagon. However, most serious Christians have the sense to realize that Starbucks doesn’t affect the meaning of Christmas.


    • November 11, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      Sure, I get that. In any religion, there are fanatical factions who sully the reputation and public image that is generally put forward. Unfortunately, it’s the lunatic fringe that garners the most public attention. Thanks for reading and commenting!


  2. Sedate Me
    November 28, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    Gee, nothing for months. But I go away for a couple weeks and your production for 2015 nearly doubles! Figures. Well, keep it up.

    Anyway, I think this whole thing is disgusting bullshit on numerous fronts.

    1) It absolutely REEKS of a Faux Protest where protestor & protestee sign a contract to advance each others’ agenda. The protest group gets face time on the so-called “news” and wins over more mindless followers. The coffee company gets free publicity and the Chick-fil-eh effect of becoming a corporate flag for like minded Culture Warriors to rally around.

    I’m willing to bet coffee sales went up and did the protest group’s membership/donations.

    2) This can only be a “news” story within the context of a completely failed national media. They don’t recognize a PR job. They don’t ask questions, let alone probing ones. And they operate like a sitcom, cranking out cookie-cutter episodes to fit whatever time of year it is.

    Today’s media couldn’t recognize a REAL news story if it bukkaked them in the face. They have no sense of what’s news and what isn’t. The story isn’t a war. It’s not a nuke plant meltdown. It’s not a major new government policy. It’s not a cure for cancer, or a new planet. IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING CUP!!!! And it’s not even that, it’s the same fucking cup as always, just with different colours. But the media can’t tell the difference anymore…and don’t really want to. They’re just looking for “click-bait”.

    3) At the risk of treating this remotely seriously….that cup itself is about as “controversial” as the sugary milk with a couple beans worth of coffee in it. This vastly overpriced crap is guzzled down by caffeine junkies with more money than brains anyway. Who the fuck cares what colour the cup is??? The cup could say “Join ISIS today” and nobody drinking it would care.

    Sure, there is no pathetically smarmy, token, “seasonally appropriate” message written on it to help re-enforce the peer pressure of this disgusting consumerist orgy. However, every colour on it is traditionally associated with Christmas. So shut the fuck up!

    The War on Christmas? Actually, The War on Literacy fits better.


    • November 30, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Not only are we on the same page here, we’re on the same paragraph. I agree with you 100% down the line. Honestly, a vast majority of the population needs a serious reality check.


      • Sedate Me
        December 2, 2015 at 3:01 pm

        If you agree with me 100%, then you can rest assured in the knowledge that you’re 100% right. 😉

        I can see how somebody might fall for this nonsense once, or twice, before you figure out what’s really going on. But this kind of cut & paste “controversy” is now happening every year. And it doesn’t just happen at Christmas. Faux Protest has wormed its way into being a “legitimate” marketing strategy.

        But to keep falling for this bullshit every Christmas, how fucking clueless do you have to be??? ….Oh…yeah. That’s not the only marketing bullshit that cons our entire society every Christmas.


        • December 3, 2015 at 2:30 pm

          I’m betting it’s these same christians who are willing to trample over others to get their Black Friday TV’s that complain the loudest over crap like coffee cups. I’m over christmas already, and it’s barely just begun.


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