How To Have a Bad Morning
1. Over sleep.
2. Lock yourself out of the house.
3. Ring door bell for 10 minutes, hoping your wife wakes up, while trying to nudge stray cat from your front door with your foot.
4. Hopelessly stare at watch as you realize how late for work you are.
5. Find window that will open. Note to yourself how small it is in proportion to your fat ass.
6. Fit fat ass through window anyway.
7. Knock every thing off desk in front of window.
8. Fall off desk, fat ass first.
9. Grab ibuprofen for broken ass pain.
10. Scald mouth with searing hot coffee while taking ibuprofen for broken ass pain.