Home > In the News, Politics, Religion > Rick Perry Has Bad Hair Day: Reported To Drop Out of Race

Rick Perry Has Bad Hair Day: Reported To Drop Out of Race

After realizing that America has filled it’s quota of bad presidents from Texas, Rick Perry has finally decided to drop out of the race. After his anticipated announcement, and the earlier withdrawal of Jon Huntsman (so long Jon, we hardly knew ya- literally). That brings us down to four candidates heading into the stretch run for the GOP nomination.

In case you weren’t paying attention, here’s what the Republicans are left with:

THE FAVORITE
Mitt Romney- The ultimate political chameleon: This guy has more flip flops than all of the 50,000 beach towel shops in Myrtle Beach combined. He’s an unethical corporate shill. He probably masturbates to pictures of the Koch brothers.

STILL IN THE RUNNING
Newt Gingrich- How is this guy still in the race? He’s a scam artist extraordinare, as well as a bigoted elitist. In addition, he refuses to do any research what so ever on any issue he blathers on about,which makes him a lazy generalization specialist. His whole campaign is driven by attacking Romney and Obama. The Tea Party loves him: Go figure.

Ron Paul- Paul is like an infected boil: No matter how many times you lance it, it comes back bigger, angrier, and uglier than the time before. He’s Ayn Rand with a penis.

Rick (Frothy Mix) Santorum- I think this guy both angers and scares me the most. His main goal is to turn America into an elitist theocracy, with no intention whatsoever of having any regards to social, or economic equality. He hates immigrants, gays, poor people, secular people, African Americans, Socialists, women, and generally anyone with an IQ over 70. In other words, unless you’re a christian, white, rich, heterosexual American male, Rick Santorum hates you. This guy is a right wing extremist thug, as well as a political cancer.

So if you’re scoring at home, the GOP is left with a goon, a loon, a buffoon, and a baboon. I’ll let you match up which moniker to what candidate. In reality, the four are interchangeable parts of the same sinister political machine.

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  1. carvingoutavoice
    January 19, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    This explains a lot about where Ron got his son’s name, Hat. And what I’ll be naming that damned boil I’ve been trying to get rid of for over a year!

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