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Posts Tagged ‘God’

Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander – Free Wood Post

If you read nothing else for the weekend, you have to at least read this scathing and hysterical article: Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander – Free Wood Post. I have to say, it’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in a long time.

One of The Dumbest Questions Ever

Cover of "God Doesn't Believe in Atheists...

Cover via Amazon

Down here, in the sleepy river town of East Jesus Kentucky where I live, the churches are more prevalent than Walgreens. A sign in front of one of the many houses of the holy along my 25 mile drive to work poses this question:

“What if god doesn’t believe in atheists?”

This question was borrowed from Ray Comfort’s book “God Doesn’t Believe in Atheists: Proof  That The Atheist Doesn’t Exist.” Apparently, the pastor of East Jesus Baptist Church thought it would be a hoot to pose this question to passers-by, as well as his congregation. The answer to the question is this:

We simply do not give a fuck.

Why Pope Benedict Gave His Two Week Notice.

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These pictures tell it all: Benedict was subjected to a hostile work environment! How can he do his job of poping correctly when the holy spirit is constantly interfering? How else would you explain all of these infuriating “wardrobe mishaps”? The holy spirit has been harassing popes for centuries, and Heaven’s Human Resources department has yet to do a damn thing about it. I think Benedict has a good case if he wanted to file a harassment lawsuit. I’m glad someone is finally taking a stand against that insufferable invisible prick!

Dear (Fill in The Blank) Zealots – Shut The F#ck Up!

Fuck you

Fuck you (Photo credit: Stéphane Giner)

No one is coming to take your guns – please, shut the fuck up.

You don’t need an assault gun with a grenade launcher to hunt deer or protect your home – please, shut the fuck up.

The Muslims and atheists are not coming to blow up your churches or rob you of your religion- please, shut the fuck up.

Gays and lesbians getting married do not rob you of your rights, nor do they violate the sanctity of marriage- please, pretty please with whipped cream and a cherry on top, shut the fuck up.

Obama is not a socialist, nor is he coming to take your big screen TV to give to a poor person. Corporate profits have soared under Obama- please, shut the fuck up.

Climate change is real, and this planet is in grave danger of dying – please, shut the fuck up: your blustering over cyclical temps is greatly contributing to our carbon foot print.

Obama is not out to steal your liberties: He’s too busy killing innocent people of color in third world countries with his killer robot planes – please, shut the fuck up.

Reagan and Bush spent way more, and contributed more to the deficit than Obama – please, shut the fuck up.

Supply side economics doesn’t work – please, shut the fuck up.

Women deserve to have control over their own bodies – please, take your patriarchal, misogynistic views, and shut that whole fucking thing down.

Getting more people to work is more important than austerity: More workers equals more taxpayers and consumers, which equals more revenue – Mitch please, shut the fuck up.

God is indeed in our schools: if a student so desires to bring god with him or her to school, she or he has every right to do so – can I get a please shut the fuck up?

Most people don’t want “gifts” from our government. What they want is a chance for a good education, a good job, and a good life – please, help yourself to a Mitt Romney sized cup of shut the fuck up.

Liberals are not some communist horde looking to tear down America. We simply want to level the playing field in order to make sure that everyone has a chance to work hard, and build America up – please, right wing pundits, shut the fuck up.

If I left any wing nuts out, don’t worry I’ll get to you – in the mean time have a seat in yonder corner, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

God Will Judge America For What Now?

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I really can’t add anything to this meme. It conveys what many of us have been thinking and saying for years. Of course, if your an athiest like me, you understand that we need only to look in a mirror to pass any type of judgement.

tip of the tin foil hat to Being Liberal for sharing.

God’s Mission Statement:

 

Can I get an amen?

Much Like Today’s GOP.

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