Posts Tagged ‘Christianity’

Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander – Free Wood Post

If you read nothing else for the weekend, you have to at least read this scathing and hysterical article: Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander – Free Wood Post. I have to say, it’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in a long time.

One of The Dumbest Questions Ever

Cover of "God Doesn't Believe in Atheists...

Cover via Amazon

Down here, in the sleepy river town of East Jesus Kentucky where I live, the churches are more prevalent than Walgreens. A sign in front of one of the many houses of the holy along my 25 mile drive to work poses this question:

“What if god doesn’t believe in atheists?”

This question was borrowed from Ray Comfort’s book “God Doesn’t Believe in Atheists: Proof  That The Atheist Doesn’t Exist.” Apparently, the pastor of East Jesus Baptist Church thought it would be a hoot to pose this question to passers-by, as well as his congregation. The answer to the question is this:

We simply do not give a fuck.

The Lost Commandments


The world might be an infinitely better place if these had made the top ten :) A tip of the tin foil hat to The Other 98%

God’s Mission Statement:


Can I get an amen?

He Has Returned! Hallelujah!

No, not Jesus. He had his chance yesterday and he blew it.  I’m talking about the ground hog that lives in our back yard, and plays with the neighborhood stray cats. We were worried that with all the flooding this Spring, either he drowned in his winter hidey hole, or that he moved to higher ground. He’s back though, and Winter and Spring looks like it was kind to him. We spotted him today nibbling on the lower branches of our trees, and he’s fat and happy. Or so it would seem; I’m not getting that close to him to find out :)

It’s Rapture Day And Boy Am I Hyped; I Can’t Wait To Meet Christ!

Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...

Image via Wikipedia

The Rapture must be under way! We just left the grocery after picking up some last minute Rapture supplies, and the place was nearly empty! Apparently, there are some pretty righteous people in eastern Cincinnati.

I thought that I saw Jesus outside my window this morning, but it turned out to be my neighbor in his bathrobe. The dude really needs to figure out how to close his robe before he ventures outside.

If you haven’t ascended yet, what are your plans today? I plan on spending the day visiting with my partner’s grandmother, doing school work (just in case my professor is still here) and going to catch an arena football game tonight. Of course, this is all subject to change if anything of biblical proportions happens to occur.

I’ll leave with these words in case the Rapture shuts down the internet, and I don’t make it back to the blog: Live each day like it’s going to be your last. Hang out with your mind, have yourself a blast!

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Only One Shopping Day Left Until The Rapture!

What are you doing for the Rapture tomorrow? Do you have your Rapture Kit ready? How about a Rapture buddy? I hope you have your Rapture snacks planned out and prepared; it’s going to be a busy day! Don’t forget: I’ll be tweeting regularly tomorrow as people ascend and events unfold. Who knows, maybe I’ll even get an exclusive interview with Jesus himself! He is supposed to make an appearance at this big shindig!

Why God Hates Al Gore: Judeo-Christianity and Ecology.

God‘s version of protecting the environment.

There are many that think the wholesale disregard and destruction of our environment began with the industrial revolution in the early 19th century. To make matters worse there is a large sect of people who refuse to acknowledge that there are environmental issues such as global warming, the poisoning of the water we drink and the air we breathe.

Damaging the environment began in earnest about 5000 years ago, when the Urban Revolution was in its infancy. As small farming communities began to grow into cities more natural resources were needed for building, transportation, provision of food, commerce, disposal of waste, etc. Even then many thought that mother earth and her resources existed for no other reason than to serve mankind. But why did the majority of the population think this way? In order to answer that we need to pay a visit to my old buddy Christianity and his wacky father Judaism.

Judeo-Christianity essentially tells us that it’s just fine and dandy to exploit our environment. According to the bible man was created in god’s image, and everything on earth was created by god to use at our discretion. This passage in Genesis 1:28 reinforces the religious philosophy that man is above nature:

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Early western science further perpetuated the idea of man’s separation from nature by developing a method of finding answers that is still used today. During the scientific revolution in renaissance Europe, many scientists such as Keppler and Galileo concluded that in order to understand nature and unlock its secrets, it must be studied as an outside observer, not as a participant. Of course, many of the renaissance scientists were products of Christian universities; virtually every institute of higher learning was administered by the catholic church. Go figure.

What’s interesting about Christianity is that it steals heavily from other polytheistic religions (and yes, I consider Christianity polytheistic: Christians worship god, jesus, and the holy spirit, a total of three divine beings, thus it is polytheistic not monotheistic.) Polytheistic religions revered gods and goddesses to define their role in nature. Each deity represents a specific aspect of nature and was worshipped in the hopes of giving order to the natural occurrences that were out of their control. It’s not a secret (except to most Christians) that Christianity incorporated pagan beliefs, spirits, and ideals in order to control more people and gather more wealth.

In no other religion with the exception of possibly Confucianism is there a common thought that man is beyond all other things worldly: Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism all make it very clear that god created man as a part of nature, not separate from it, and that we all have a moral responsibility to interact with the environment and treat it like the precious commodity that it is.

So how do we save the environment? The ideal proposition would be to do away with religion and to revert back to the ways of the Native American: In other words understand the fact that we are indeed animals participating in a very fragile circle of life where natural harmony means everything. That’s not going to happen though. Christian schizophrenics will continue to listen to the pious voices in their heads and wrap themselves in the straight jacket of salvation to justify poisoning our planet until it is little more than an uninhabitable piece of rock. The answer is that there is no answer: As long as we place ourselves above nature in the name of god and capitalism, we’re doomed. I apologize for not having a joke here, but it’s all I’ve got.

Wow, Love Really is Gay.

Hermaic pillar with a female portrait, so-call...

Image via Wikipedia

Sex has been a titillating subject since the birth of civilization. Love on the other hand is another story. Love in ancient times was pretty much a foreign concept. It wasn’t until classical Athens when poets and philosophers such as Plato and Sappho began to speak of and define the concept of a spiritual love.

Spiritual love was further defined during the first century with the advent of Christianity. A man and woman’s love for each other was supposed to be representative of the love they shared with their invisible sky father, according to one of my favorite radicals of the day, Jesus. Jesus in my opinion was the original hippie, a jobless wine drinking free thinker who spoke of peace and love while speaking out against the Hebrew laws and leaders of the day. He did all this and still managed to get plenty of ass from Mary Magdalene. Of course much like today, he managed to piss off quite a few people, and they killed him.

A member of Jesus’ cult was Paul, a former tax collector from Greece who took it upon himself to combine the Athenian concept of spiritual love with the teachings of Jesus. His ideals became the basis for traditional Christian love as we know it today.

Here’s the kicker folks: The Greek version of love did not come from love between man and woman. In fact women had no rights in Athens, and were viewed as uneducated property whose sole reason of being was to weave cloth and bear children. The Greek ideal of love was born from Homosexuality and Pederasty. In the eyes of Athens men were perfection; wouldn’t it be natural to love what you perceive as flawlessness?

While I find the history of gender bias that developed after the agricultural revolution vile and disgusting, I think it’s funny as hell that christian attitudes toward love originated from Socrates making googly eyes at some sexy young boy who looked particularly good in his freshly washed toga. What makes this wonderfully ironic concept even more delicious is the fact that much of the Greek virtues of romantic love as practiced by men were defined by the poet Sappho who was a WOMAN. Like the men of the day, Sappho was educated, married with children, and never missed a chance to get her some same sex lovin.

Considering the origins of spiritual love, christian doctrines that vilify homosexuality and same sex marriage are just more tiles in the mosaic of hypocrisy that is called religion.


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