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Posts Tagged ‘Christianity’

Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander – Free Wood Post

If you read nothing else for the weekend, you have to at least read this scathing and hysterical article: Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander – Free Wood Post. I have to say, it’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in a long time.

One of The Dumbest Questions Ever

Cover of "God Doesn't Believe in Atheists...

Cover via Amazon

Down here, in the sleepy river town of East Jesus Kentucky where I live, the churches are more prevalent than Walgreens. A sign in front of one of the many houses of the holy along my 25 mile drive to work poses this question:

“What if god doesn’t believe in atheists?”

This question was borrowed from Ray Comfort’s book “God Doesn’t Believe in Atheists: Proof  That The Atheist Doesn’t Exist.” Apparently, the pastor of East Jesus Baptist Church thought it would be a hoot to pose this question to passers-by, as well as his congregation. The answer to the question is this:

We simply do not give a fuck.

The Lost Commandments

image

The world might be an infinitely better place if these had made the top ten :) A tip of the tin foil hat to The Other 98%

God’s Mission Statement:

 

Can I get an amen?

He Has Returned! Hallelujah!

No, not Jesus. He had his chance yesterday and he blew it.  I’m talking about the ground hog that lives in our back yard, and plays with the neighborhood stray cats. We were worried that with all the flooding this Spring, either he drowned in his winter hidey hole, or that he moved to higher ground. He’s back though, and Winter and Spring looks like it was kind to him. We spotted him today nibbling on the lower branches of our trees, and he’s fat and happy. Or so it would seem; I’m not getting that close to him to find out :)

It’s Rapture Day And Boy Am I Hyped; I Can’t Wait To Meet Christ!

Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...

Image via Wikipedia

The Rapture must be under way! We just left the grocery after picking up some last minute Rapture supplies, and the place was nearly empty! Apparently, there are some pretty righteous people in eastern Cincinnati.

I thought that I saw Jesus outside my window this morning, but it turned out to be my neighbor in his bathrobe. The dude really needs to figure out how to close his robe before he ventures outside.

If you haven’t ascended yet, what are your plans today? I plan on spending the day visiting with my partner’s grandmother, doing school work (just in case my professor is still here) and going to catch an arena football game tonight. Of course, this is all subject to change if anything of biblical proportions happens to occur.

I’ll leave with these words in case the Rapture shuts down the internet, and I don’t make it back to the blog: Live each day like it’s going to be your last. Hang out with your mind, have yourself a blast!

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Only One Shopping Day Left Until The Rapture!

What are you doing for the Rapture tomorrow? Do you have your Rapture Kit ready? How about a Rapture buddy? I hope you have your Rapture snacks planned out and prepared; it’s going to be a busy day! Don’t forget: I’ll be tweeting regularly tomorrow as people ascend and events unfold. Who knows, maybe I’ll even get an exclusive interview with Jesus himself! He is supposed to make an appearance at this big shindig!

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